The Winner Takes It All
by Miss Higher Power
Summary: Rachel always gets what she wants, but sometimes life takes some twists and turns. Written for the drabble meme on puckrachel at LJ. Warning angst ahead.


Author's Note: If you don't want to read this story, please don't, nobody is holding a gun to your head. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I've had some rude reviews on this site and I'm feeling a bit burned. I've had to turn off the anonymous review option. I hope this doesn't deter anyone from reviewing. I don't expect to receive all fantastic reviews, and if you feel that my story is horrible for a specific reason, please tell me. I always appreciate constructive reviews. Reviews that tell me that my story sucks and I've wasted your life are not appreciated. And now...On with the story!

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They get married at 24, a couple years after they finish school. They're stable and aren't running the risk that they're gonna end up living back in Lima in their childhood bedrooms. He's teaching music at a rich as fuck private school, but he also does three evenings a week at an outreach program. It pays shit but he feels like he's giving something back.

Rachel gets a role in an off-Broadway show that moves to Broadway a few months into its run. It was based on a BBC show about a church choir in a small town. He thought it sounded pretty lame until Rachel made him watch all six episodes, and then he totally got it. It kinda reminded him of being back in glee.

Anyway, the dude that originated the role of Kyle (the dude that did most of the singing) is apparently a bit of heartthrob in England. He was on some hit show that's been on for like a hundred years, and he won some stupid celebrity Idol rip-off and he was in Legally Blonde in the West End. Anyway, he can't seem to get any interest for the show in England, but he gets a little interest in New York and he gets a friend (Elton fuckin' John) to write a couple of new songs for it (he wrote the original theme) and voila the dude has an off-Broadway show that's getting tons of hype before they even cast roles.

Rachel tries out for the role of Layla, the devious, misunderstood homewrecker, but ends up with the role of Grace, Kyle's love interest. She's disappointed, but a role's a role.

And in the end, it all turns out for the best. Rachel's Grace gets rave reviews both before and after they move to Broadway. Layla barely ever gets mentioned.

She plays Grace for four years, and they start talking about starting a family when the show finishes its run.

But just as All The Small Things is winding down, they offer her the role of Baby in Dirty Dancing. There have been rumours about Dirty Dancing on Broadway for years. She's really torn, but in the end he tells her that they've got time and this role is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

She gets nominated for a Tony. She's thrilled to be nominated, but she really doesn't think she's going to win. Now he's known Rachel a long time, and there are times when she's all humble and it's total bullshit. But this time it isn't, she really doesn't think she's going to win. She's up against Idina, Kristin, that lesbian chick from Grey's whose name he can never remember, and another girl that's been giving a total powerhouse performance in Andrew Lloyd Webber's latest show. Rachel's money is on the girl from Andrew Lloyd Webber's show. His money's on Rachel, 'cause he learned a long time ago that you don't bet against this girl.

She has about a bazillion designers calling her asking to do her dress. She picks a blue Carolina Herrera (fuck you, yes he know how gay he sounds) that costs a small fortune. Seriously, his mom's whole house in Lima cost less than this dress. But this has been her dream for, like, her whole life and she looks absolutely, fucking stunning. Like, he can't quite believe that this ridiculously beautiful woman is married to an asshole like him. So he can't really complain.

So he pulls out his tux (between all her celebrity events and his school fundraisers that bad boy sees a lot of action) and they go to the Tonys.

Where she wins. Who called it?

His totally together wife, who let's face it, totally deserved it, is so shocked she barely makes it to the stage. She gives a fuckin' awesome acceptance speech thanking Mr. Schue, their families, all their glee friends, all her co-stars and colleagues and makes him feel like the greatest guy in the whole damn world when she thanks him for loving her.

She plays Baby for three years, and they start trying for a family as soon as the show finishes.

For the first year, they're not really worried. They're young; they've got time.

Rachel does a couple of bit parts in movies. She does a guest-starring role on a sitcom, which leads to a couple of other guest roles and then a recurring role on The Good Wife, which leads to an Emmy.

But by the second year, Rachel is starting to get worried. She knows that it's her. She's working too hard, and she's not putting enough effort in. Once she starts putting the effort in, she just knows that it'll happen. She always gets what she wants when she puts her mind to it.

After all, she's got a Tony, an Emmy, and Noah. Those all seemed like unattainable goals at one point or another.

So she tells her manager she's taking a break. No appearances, no talk shows, no parts. Not until she gets the part she really wants.

By the time she's 32, and she and Noah still don't have a baby, she knows it's not just that she's too busy and they're not having enough sex at the right time. Something is definitely wrong, and it's wrong with her. Noah is obviously capable of reproducing.

He convinces her that worrying about it isn't going to solve anything. It's just making her crazy and that makes him crazy. So they go to a specialist.

They spend a fortune on fertility treatments. Which he fucking hates doing. He hates someone knowing how often he fucks his wife, hates jabbing her with needles, hates the hope in her eyes when nothing ever comes of it.

By 35 they decide it's time to give up on the fertility treatments. As much as it kills both of them, there are other ways to have a baby. They figure they can give to someone else the gift that her mother gave to Noah.

They start investigating adoption, and Rachel is moody as fuck. He can't decide if it's coming off the hormones (she'd always managed to rein in her inner-bitch during treatment) or that she's just depressed about not being able to get pregnant. Whatever it is, he's literally ready to murder her.

When she can barely function 'cause she's exhausted all the time and starts complaining about everything having a metallic taste, he realizes that she's pregnant.

Rachel's over the fucking moon and to be honest, so's he.

Right from the beginning her pregnancy is a fucking nightmare. He doesn't know why they say pregnant women have a glow, because he loves his wife, and he thinks she's the most drop dead fucking gorgeous woman on the planet, but she looks haggard.

Another thing he doesn't get? Why they call it morning sickness. Rachel seriously spends all day, every day, either throwing up or wanting to throw up.

It gets so bad at the beginning of the second trimester that he has to take her to the ER because she can't keep a fucking thing in her system. Her blood sugar is out of whack and her blood pressure is through the roof. They keep her for a few days before sending her home. She's not on bed rest but pretty damn close.

Words can't express how he felt the day he came home to find his wife passed out on the kitchen floor with blood surrounding her.

At the hospital they're told that Rachel has had a placental abruption and she has blood clots. Things don't look good. Not just for the baby, but for Rachel. And as much as he loves that little girl Rachel's growing inside of her, he can't lose Rachel.

Rachel is determined that the baby be their first priority. He loves their daughter so much already, but it doesn't compare to the love he has for Rachel. It would hurt like fuck to lose this baby that they both want so desperately, but he thinks it would kill him to lose Rachel.

"I don't want to lose her anymore than you do, but we can have another baby, Rachel." He pleads with her.

"We can't. I just feel it. This is it. This is our chance. She's our chance." She's so upset and it's not good for her or the baby, but he feels like he has to make her understand what it would do to him if he lost her.

"Fuck, Rach. You know I'm no good with words, but - if you died, it would be like my bones had been removed. No one would know why, but I would collapse. My life means shit without you." It really just makes her cry harder.

"Noah, she's worth it. She's already here. And if you lose me, you'll still have her." He doesn't think it's good enough, but he lets it go.

He promises Rachel that if the worst happens, he'll choose the baby. It's a damn lie. It's the first lie he's told her in their entire relationship.

Rachel's goal is to make it to 34 weeks. She decides that if Kate Gosselin could last to almost 30 weeks with sextuplets, she can make it to 34 weeks with one baby.

At exactly 33 weeks, they do an emergency C-section. Rachel is completely against the idea, but Puck puts his foot down. They've done it her way for long enough, it's his turn now.

He holds her hand as they slice into her and remove their daughter. Their tiny daughter who makes no sound for the longest time, and when she does, it's the most pitiful sound he's ever heard. It's not the same cry that he heard when Beth was born, and it's not the cry of the daughter of a Broadway star.

And now that she's here, he can't take his eyes off of her. They immediately wheel their baby away to the NICU and he's really torn, because as bad as their daughter is, his wife is just as bad. They can't get her to stop bleeding. There's too much information coming in at once. Information about their girl and information about Rachel and he thinks his head (and his heart) is going to explode.

Puck feels Rachel squeeze his hand and looks down at his wife. "Go with her. Take care of her."

He kisses Rachel and goes after their girl. He has this terrible feeling. He's not the psychic in the family, but his gut tells him things. And it makes him afraid to leave Rachel alone.

They tell him it isn't as bad as it looks. She's a good weight and size, and she's mostly healthy. Her lungs are a little weak. And logically he can see that. She's a lot bigger than most of the babies in here and she's not on one of those scary ass looking ventilators. As a dad standing in the NICU with a baby in an incubator on oxygen and a wife down the hall bleeding uncontrollably, he's scared shitless.

Rachel really isn't surprised when they tell her they can't stop the bleeding and they need to do a hysterectomy. Like mother, like daughter, right?

When they finally get to hold their baby, Rachel is so joyful he can't bring her down. But he feels so fucking guilty he can barely take it.

He cries when he holds their nameless baby girl. Baby Girl Puckerman. He'd kept putting Rachel off whenever she brought it up because the thought of naming another baby girl that he wasn't going to see grow up made him sick to his stomach.

Thirteen days after her birth, he and Rachel take Esta Joy Puckerman home. Rachel is pretty laid back. She's so thankful for everything that they gained that she can't focus on everything they almost lost. It's all Puck can think about.

Rachel worries because Noah really settles into his role as father. He loves Esta. There's absolutely no doubt in her mind. He does all of the things he's supposed to do as her dad. He changes diapers and does three am feedings. He holds her and rocks her and loves her, but he never seems to experience the same joy that she does. At first she thinks that maybe it's just that he hasn't bonded with Esta the way she has from carrying her. Then she thinks that it's new father nerves, but as the months go by she realizes that it's something else entirely. She just doesn't know what it is.

She finally clues in on Mother's Day. Noah treats her like a queen. He makes her breakfast in bed, which she eats while she cuddles her seven month old daughter. Esta started blowing kisses earlier in the week, which is extremely sloppy, but extremely cute and lovable.

Noah gives her a gift certificate to a spa. He makes dinner and does all the dishes so that she can do the bedtime routine with Esta.

After she's tucked Esta in, she joins Noah in the living room. She cuddles up next to him and he places a kiss to her forehead before turning on her latest favourite show.

"I'll have to start thinking about Father's Day," Rachel mentions when the commercials start.

"Nah, don't worry about it." Noah immediately gets up and starts taking their glasses into the kitchen.

"Of course I'm going to worry about it. You treated me so well today, someone has to do that for you."

"You deserved it, babe."

"And you don't?" She doesn't hear an answer from the kitchen, and she's just about to say something else when she hears the popcorn maker start, effectively blocking their conversation.

She sits bewildered on the couch for a minute before he brain catches up. She makes her way to the kitchen and stands in the doorway, watching her husband move.

"That's it, isn't it?" She says when the noise stops. "You think you're a bad dad."

"I don't wanna talk about it." He won't even look at her.

"You're a wonderful father, Noah. Esta adores you. You take fabulous care of her. She's wonderful and perfect and happy and healthy -"

"She almost wasn't."

"Noah, we made all the right choices." He finally turns to look at her, his face twisted in pain.

"No, you made all the right choices, Rachel. I would've let her die, to save you, I would've let her die. I lied right to your face. When you made me promise to save her, I lied. What kind of father does that? What kind of father is willing to give up on their kid before they're even born?"

Rachel can see that he's barely holding it together. She crosses the room and places her hands on his biceps.

"It was easy for me to make you promise because I didn't have the make the choices. I knew when it really came down to it, you were going to have to make the choice. You chose both of us. If I'd hung on for another week, neither one of us would've made it. And when she was born, you were so torn. I could see it in your eyes. You were standing there listening to a million things at once, trying to take care of both of us. You and I both know that I can't make you do anything you don't really want to do, and you went to her and you stayed with her and you watched her and loved her until we could both be there. So, yes. You are a wonderful father. And I want you to stop feeling guilty. I want you to enjoy being a dad, because she's it. She's the dream." She reaches up on her toes to kiss him, moving her hands from his shoulders to his face, not letting him escape.

When Father's Day does roll around, Rachel can hardly believe the change she sees. If she thought he was a great dad before, it's nothing to the way he is now. She can barely get a hold of her daughter because Noah always has her. Esta's turned into a total daddy's girl. He just needed someone to tell him to let go of the guilt. He tells her she couldn't have gotten him a better Father's Day gift.

And that's the best award she's ever won.

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A/N: By the way, All The Small Things (Heart & Soul outside of the UK) was a real show and it was amazingly awesome. Any chance to see Richard Fleeshman is a treat. It's not as wacky as Glee, but it's still pretty awesome. Check it out if you get a chance.


End file.
